As the second post in the boundaries series I am doing in accompaniment with my recent book we will be covering Chapter 2. If you haven’t read it yet check out the first part of the series on Chapter 1.
What should you do when you first realize that you need boundaries? Boundaries are a tool to figure out a need. When you feel like you need boundaries there is likely a need that you have identified for your own interpersonal relationships. You may notice that something isn’t working for you or something could be improved upon. Ideally you will want to identify what it is that you need instead. What things could be useful for you or how would you like the situation to be different? Identifying that you need boundaries is only one part; the other part is identifying what is that you want so others can understand and the boundaries can work. It can be hard for some individuals to ask for what it is that they want.
Pay Attention
You typically know internally what is healthy and useful for you based on the physical and mental reactions you receive in your body. When you are in certain situations and interacting with people pay attention to your own biofeedback especially when you feel there may be a need for boundaries.
Give Yourself Permission
Ideally you want to get yourself in a place where you can say to yourself “I can do this”, “It’s okay for me to ask for this change”. In order to achieve this it’s very important that you give yourself permission to ask for what you need. Instead of viewing it in a negative light or feeling guilty frame it as a benefit to you and the other individuals. Often people will feel like they shouldn’t be asking for what they want. Understand that it is okay to give yourself permission to ask for what you need and you don’t need to feel guilt, feel as though you are taking things away from people or feel selfish. Boundaries are not intended to work in that way. Boundaries are intended to create healthy structures for your relationships where both parties communicate their needs.
The Book On Boundaries
Take some time to reflect on your own behaviors and patterns. Are you someone who has a hard time saying no to things? Do you feel like it’s easy to correct someone when they are violating your boundaries? If you enjoy learning about boundaries then you should check out my new book!
My book is called Boundaries And Balance: How To Say No And Still Be Likable. In the book I cover how to set boundaries at work, friendships, intimate relationships, while parenting, and how to set boundaries for extended family relationships too. I also offer free worksheets, templates, and simple prompts you can use to set boundaries the fast and simple way for your most important relationships.
Also, if you love boundaries and self-development, I want to encourage you to sign up for my newsletter. Every other week I host live free training for self-development and growth. We focus as a group on topics that include physical health, mental emotional wellness, and nutritional health as well.
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